Monday, May 25, 2009

Writing for Lazy People 101

I confess.

I'm a lazy writer.

I do a lot of talking, but not as much writing as I should. Why, you ask? Well, there is so much to talk about that it's hard to narrow down what to write about. And since I have a captive audience (he he he) I thought I'd share my process with the rest of you. Go ahead and stop reading here if you want to, because the following is really only geared for the lazy writers like me. You've been warned.

Welcome to Writing for Lazy People 101 (you can call it 1010 if you want, since the bigger numbers are all the rage on college and university campuses nowadays, but I'm lazy so I'm sticking with the shorter version). Today's lesson is HOW TO PICK SOMETHING TO WRITE ABOUT.

This is easy. Really.

First, you need to get your BIC. No, this is not your cheap but trusty brand-name pen. This stands for Butt In Chair. Luckily for us lazy people, we happen to prefer sitting down, so this is a fairly simple step. Unfortunately, you can't just sit down anywhere, which is the hard part. You must place your BIC in front of a computer. Or, if you're old school, you will have to place your BIC in front of a Bic (the cheap but trusty brand-name pen) and your Weyerhaeuser (that's paper for those of you who aren't obsessed with the brand names of writing supplies like I am).

Next comes the hard part. You must think. I know, this goes against every lazy grain in your body. But try it. You can think about things you like, such as marshmallows roasting over a fire, or that satisfying slurp you can make when you eat spaghetti without using any good manners, or what it feels like to eat popcorn in front of the TV when you know you're not supposed to take food out of the kitchen/dining room. (NOTE TO SELF: go get a snack before you drive everyone else crazy.)

The most amazing thing happens when you are thinking. Suddenly a RGI will pop into your head. This should not be confused with a RPG, which is a really fun thing to do with all your other lazy friends on a Friday night. RGI stands for Really Great Idea. For me, it usually is a "What If?" scenario that catches my attention, like "What if I was roasting marshmallows over a fire, and I heard noises in the darkness of the forest beyond the fire's light?" or "What if Mr. Smith was slurping his spaghetti and fell over, dead, with a noodle still hanging half out his mouth?" These, of course, may not be the best examples but I'm too lazy to think up really good ones right now.

So, now that you have your RGI, you can pat yourself on the back. Job well done, lazy person. You now have your SOMETHING TO WRITE ABOUT.

Next time we'll discuss what to do with your something-to-write-about. You might want to get a good night's sleep. The next lesson is a doozy.

Trust me.

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