Friday, August 19, 2011

Getting Back To What Matters (To Me, Anyway)

*pops head out of hole*

Are you still here?

What?

You've been waiting all this time to read another entry from me?

Well, we aren't going to discuss what that may mean about your sanity (because, honestly, I can't imagine why anyone would hang on my every word), but if you insist on reading new entries on my blog, I am pleased to announce that your wait is now over.

*pulls body out of hole, dusts clothes off*

In case you haven't noticed, I've been on a self-imposed hiatus.  And I'd like to share what I've learned during the past 6-7 months.  But first, that requires a little explanation.

I've been gone for quite awhile.  Mainly, it was because of the Cold of the Century, which was actually the Flu of the Century that turned into Complications from the Flu of the Century.  I've been pretty sick, folks.  Not that you knew that.  (Nor did I really want to tell you. I'm a firm believer in keeping the negativity tucked neatly out of site.  I'm also a firm believer in keeping the piles of paperwork at my house tucked neatly out of site, but oddly enough I'm not so good at that one.  Huh.)

Anyway…

I've been sick enough that I haven't been able to write.  Physically I didn't have the strength or stamina to keep up with the act of typing more than an email or two.  Mentally I couldn't wrap my brain around a new story, or an old one for that matter.  Emotionally I was a wreck while health care people tried to figure out what was wrong.  And while I was dealing with that, my husband and I got the unexpected news that one of our children was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. 

*headdesk*

When it rains, it pours, and all that jazz, I suppose.

I realized that I wasn't in any position to pursue publication, so I decided to place the writing aside.  I quietly parted ways with my agent, removed myself from as many online conversations as I could, and prepared to walk away for good.

I tried.  I really did.  Honest.

But oddly enough, the more I didn't write (or talk about writing) the worse I felt physically.  It wasn't until I realized that writing, for me, IS what makes me feel better that I started to see an improvement in my physical health.  So I started writing again.  At first it was just emails to friends telling them  I was getting ready to write again.  Then it was journal entries to myself (with a good old-fashioned pen and paper--ahhh, heaven on earth).  I also tiptoed back into the online conversation.  I picked up the reins I’d dropped as fearless leader at From the Mixed-Up Files...of Middle-Grade Authors, and I started a twitter conversation with MG people which eventually blossomed into the weekly #MGlitchat.

And this week I started writing a new book.  One that I love so much that I cry when I think about the story.  (And I am so not a crier.)

But through all this, I found a balance between who I think I need to be (perfect mother, amazing wife, remarkable Asperger's Syndrome guru, inspiring champion of MG books everywhere, and all-around hero to anyone looking for one) and who I really am (terrible housewife, internet addict, mediocre writer, procrastinator and all-around normal human being).  And I really get what matters to me now. 

And maybe you won't be so surprised to hear that what matters most isn't a book contract or accolades from the industry or even an agent clamoring for my work, or anything that I thought aspiring authors needed.  Instead, it's the love the my husband and children give me, the camaraderie I have with my writing peers and other industry people, and the amazing opportunity I have to make a difference in the life of a child (or a teen or adult, for that matter).

So why am I telling you this, you ask?  Well...

I just wanted you to know I'm back at work.  And that sometimes the sweetest experiences may come from the most difficult of trials.  And that, no matter what happens in your life, there is always a reason for it.  You may not see it at first, but eventually you'll figure it out.  And when you do...that will be a good day.

And that I can't seem to find where I placed that last pile of notes about my WIP.  You haven't seen them, have you?  In times like these a good filing system would really come in handy.

Not that I'd use it or anything.

8 comments:

  1. oh elissa...this must be the year for troubles/trials/etc. i've been going through much of the same thing myself (different issues, same struggles). and i've learned so much through it too...funny...it was the same lesson: the most important thing in my life is family, my friends and those who support and uplift.

    i'm sure things will turn around - as it sounds like they are. and we writer friends will be there to hold you up when you need that extra support :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Elissa - Yay, for being back! But more than that, yay for prevailing in the face of so many challenges lately. You deserve a thousand hugs, each with a bit of chocolate! Remember that you don't have to be super-Elissa. Just regular old Elissa is pretty great. Also, thanks for #mglitchat. Just another awesome contribution to the kidlit community! Keep on keeping on...

    ReplyDelete
  3. Amie--*hugs* I have been following your trials (what little you've shared online, that is) and you are such an inspiration. Things are already turning around for me, and I hope they do for you, too.

    Jennifer--Thanks for the warm welcome back! Though I should mention what you see as Super Elissa really is just regular old Elissa. Yes, overachiever that I am....

    And you are so welcome for #mglitchat. I don't know how I've been blessed twice to be at the right place at the right time to become the catalyst for two amazing MG projects, but I thank my lucky stars each and every day. But people like you, who keep showing up day after day to keep the conversation going, are the real heroes IMO.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Sorry to hear about your recent trials, but glad that you were able to pull something good from among them. This is my first visit to your blog, but I look forward to many more. Happy writing!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Inluvwithwords--Welcome to the blog! And thanks for reading. I hope you'll enjoy the many more, too.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Welcome back to the writing world! I'm glad you found your way out of the hole, and hopefully your writing will be all the more rich from the obstacles you've experienced. Looking forward to more posts.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Welcome back. Nice to hear from you again and best of luck with everything.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Thank you, Dawn and Alice. It's good to be back.

    ReplyDelete